Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize