And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
