bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
