Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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