Tell her she can't have a vagina
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Two words: blizzard sex
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
