Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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