we have pet lesbian snakes
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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