Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Congratulations! We have a period
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
