If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
