you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
