Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
