You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize