the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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