Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
