Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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