she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
