I got chris browned last night
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
