the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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