im having a threesome with these popsicles
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
