Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
