alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
