I want to make a zoo with you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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