if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
