shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
