How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
