She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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