if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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