i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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