Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
