It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
worst night to have a conscience
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
