dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
