i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
tonight lets celebrate not being married
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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