Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
