We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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