well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
