i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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