Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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