I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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