Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
