Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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