We're facebook friends in real life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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