Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
