Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
