It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
