i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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