I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
