If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
