I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
3pm strippers are depressing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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