I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
