I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
