I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
