It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
