I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
