Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
