if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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