no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize