she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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