Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize