I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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