so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
