my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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