He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
