The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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