When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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