Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
