Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
