you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
