I'm really into asian looking animals
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
vagina is talking i cant
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize