Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Apparently you make a good broom.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
