Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
