Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
