sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
