I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
