Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
