my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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