No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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