im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Someone shit on the floor
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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