Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
